My sister has ruined two of her three children. I know this for a fact because she's told me so. And the only reason the third one hasn't been wrecked yet is because, as the youngest, there hasn't been enough time. I have wrecked my kids as well, and it can all be traced to the game Hot Potato.
This past Christmas while I was volunteering for the holiday party in my fifth-grader's classroom, I had to direct the kids in a holiday game based on the whole Hot Potato idea, where an object is passed around the circle until time is called and whoever is left holding the object is out. At eleven years of age, almost none of these kids knew how to play, including my own. This is why: when the girls were little, I would have their birthday parties at home, which always included a craft, games, and cake. Because parties are supposed to be happy and because I couldn't bear to make a kid sad (and, let's face it, because it's annoying when kids cry), I'd always plan games where everyone was a winner . And that meant no games of Hot Potato.
Fast forward five years filled with trophies given for showing up and games where everyone's a winner, and you get a bunch of kids afraid to fail because they didn't learn to fail when the stakes were low. Or you get a bunch of kids thinking they're good at lots of things that they're not. Or sometimes both. As the old saying goes, "My bad."
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Amazingly insightful. I was also brainwashed to believe that everybody winning was the right way to play games. A strictly FEMALE perspective, and not particularly useful either. Good news: There is still time to reverse this in your kids. Start with Candyland and then work your way up to 5 card stud. ;)
ReplyDeleteI love this post. All of us "ruin" our children in one way or another. Whether it's through our anxiety at seeing them fail or our insistence that they are the best and nothing short of perfection is expected of them. It's a heavy burden that they carry: the weight of our expectations; all of our hopes and dreams are often pinned on these little people who aren't fully developed yet. It's no wonder they are screwed up! Fortunately for us, there are mental health professionals ready and willing to assist them. In my childrens' cases, as soon as they can afford to pay the shrink's bill;-)
ReplyDeletePhilip Larkin - This Be The Verse
ReplyDeleteThey fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.
Oops. Too late!