If I only had a chip-and-dip

My friend Mary is a nag, and I love her for it. God knows she has enough people in her home she's obligated to nag on a daily basis ["Did you take a shower?" "Did you use soap?" - and that's just her husband (ba-dum)]. That she would make the effort to nag me too warms my cockles. She and my sister are the only folks in this lifetime whose nagging I appreciate. Neither one wants anything from me, except for me to try to be happy. And Mary nags me to blog (and since she is indeed my audience, I could either give her what she wants or keep her wanting more).

But yikes. I'm dry. So Mary said, knowing my area of expertise, "Write about anything! Write about potato chips!" Of course, I didn't. Then (and this always happens to me) my Yahoo! homepage greets me with a little article about the ten best brands of potato chip! I have been studying this field for years, and these staffers think they can take a quick trip to the 7-Eleven, rip open a couple of bags, and pontificate. And they awarded the Best Chip to Kettle brand's salt and pepper chip. I actually threw away a partially eaten bag of those chips! And I consider the size people bring to picnics to be a single serving bag! Plus, they completely ignored the chip of all chips, the pinnacle of potato! Until you've had a Good's chip (and any flavor is a winner, though Salt and Vinegar, Jalapeno, and Salt and Pepper are tops on my list) you have no business making a list. Give one a try, then read the ingredients. First listed is potato. No surprise. Second listed (and the secret to its glory) is lard. Yes, lard. To be fair to the other lard chips (whichI think includes Martin's and Dieffenbacher's) are just as delicious, with that suet-y silkiness. All of these are indigenous to central/Eastern Pennsylvania. The few times I can find a lard chip in Pittsburgh are great days indeed. My sister has a house in the Reading, PA area. She introduced me to Utz (not a lard chip, but indeed a gateway one - "Utz are better than nuts!"), then to pure animal fat deliciousness.

A few Thanksgivings ago, I was driving with my girls to my sister's house for Thanksgiving, since Bill would follow the next morning. I reached her house earlier than expected and knew no one would be home, so I drove around looking for a place for dinner. I was a little misplaced, and eventually truly in the middle of nowhere, when I saw a sign saying "Utz Potato Chip Outlet," with an arrow pointing up a gravel path. I might have gasped. But it was dinner time, and I had children with me, so I backtracked to civilization and a restaurant. I never forgot that sign. My sister said she'd never heard of such an outlet. She even called Utz, and they said there was no such thing. Maybe each of us has their personal Brigadoon, existing once every hundred years for a brief but glorious time. Mine was shown to me, but I was too scared to follow the sign.