No, Virginia, There's Not

Two weeks ago, my younger daughter wailed (quite out of the blue), "I'm starting to think there might be no Santa Claus!"  Now personally I hate Santa Claus, but I'm not yet/quite a monster, so I soothingly asked her what she was thinking and encouraged her to believe whatever she chose.  Two days ago, I left some trinkets on the steps, meaning to take them up to my closet.  The girls came home from school and saw them, then continued to nag me about what they were for.  Finally I said, "Just take them.  I was going to put them in your stockings but you can have them now."  My younger one looked at me in horror and shouted, "You're Santa Claus?"  I quickly answered, "Um, no, but sometimes I help."  She bought it and was pacified.  I couldn't help thinking, "Jesus Christ, you're nine years old.  Figure it out."

I've never been big on Santa.  I've never used wrapping paper for Santa's gifts that was different from the gifts from Mommy and Daddy.  I've never disguised my handwriting.  Not once have I suggested a letter be written to Santa (and I never solicit Christmas lists because my children are among the most privileged on earth and the thought of them wanting even more makes me nuts).   I got in so much trouble a few years ago when a neighbor girl (whom I love like my own, which makes my mouth a bit freer around her, and I know that's not even close to a good thing) asked if I believed in Santa.  I answered, "I believe in Santa as much as I believe in Jesus."  She thought it a fine answer.  My mother was horrified.  Here's the two reasons I hate Santa.  1)  The whole concept smacks of praying for gifts (which I literally did when I was seven and prayed to Santa for one of those motorized kid cars, which I did not get) and 2)   I think it's mean to tell kids who don't have a hope in hell of getting a bunch of Christmas presents that if they're good they will. 

My friend Mary completely disagrees.  She thinks that it's a vestige of innocence that should be allowed to flicker as long as it will.  In fact, she thinks that belief in Santa is a gift in itself. 

I say, "Bah, Humbug" (and I know you saw that coming).