I admit that I have absolutely no perspective here; I gratefully welcome the guidance of those who do. As my older daughter enters middle school, one of her Top Ten Issues of the Day is the Vera Bradley backpack. For those who don't know (as I did not until my daughter enlightened me), the Vera Bradley backpack is a quilted, floral concoction that puts me in mind of a Laura Ashley (is she still around?) throw pillow. The price tag, of course, is ridiculous. (It's a backpack! For a sixth-grader!) My daughter knows that she has absolutely zero chance of getting one (and since her after-school job is to badger me for a cell phone, it's not a battle she picks). Still, this damn backpack comes up in her conversation more often than is remotely interesting. Leading me to my quandary:
I realize that, as far as fashion spending goes, I'm a reactionary. At this moment, I'm proudly wearing capri pants and a t-shirt that are new-to-me from Goodwill. I'm free with the information that my purse is a Target ($17). Perhaps this is just as obnoxious as sporting logos that broadcast the fortune someone else paid for theirs. I also appreciate that since (clothing-wise) I could have pretty much whatever I wanted while I was growing up, it's not an issue to me now. I don't carry that handbaggage from my past, if you will. I know for a fact that a label can't make you popular or get you a boyfriend, the only things that really matter (and I wish I was kidding). So I need answers to these questions:
1) If I have a blanket embargo on these Items of Label, will that just make my kid obsessed with what she's missing? Will she believe that everything would have been different/better if I'd just let her wear the same stuff as All The Other Girls?
2) What if she uses her own money? Even if I think it's a horrible choice and I fear it will only spawn more of the same, is it a choice she's allowed to make? Part of me worries that the damned Vera Bradley backpack will get attention enough to bolster her skewed perceptions of what's important.
3) What if the Item of Label is on sale? Here the issue is more the shirts from Aeropostale and Abercrombie and Fitch. I'll certainly not spring for full retail, but what if it's on clearance (my own personal kryptonite)? Though price is not the issue here, it's still supporting the idea that we want our clothing to send a very clear and precise message. I realize that all clothing does that, but I just hate for the message to literally be spelled out across her chest.
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Answers, since you asked:
ReplyDelete1. Yes. You are wrong. Your blanket embargo will reinforce the importance of a brand. Let her remove labels as the obstacle to group acceptance. Trust me. She'll quickly find a substitute. It's a right of passage.
2. The purpose of having one's own money is to make those choices. As long as it isn't dangerous or morally reprehensible, let her experience this freedom. It will be very motivating to her. You keep you principles, she acquires a cherished object. And stops nagging YOU for the item. Everybody wins.
3. Clearance is a non issue if you get over #1 and give in to the liberation of #2.
And I know all this because I still REFUSE to buy my daughter a $150 pair of UGGs boots or that $100 hair straightener. And she knows she can do this with her own money, which takes her FOREVER to save. And interestingly, each time she comes close to saving enough, I make sure I remind her how she will have $0 afterward. She's never decided to do it, and I'm off the hook. Still....I shop at Aeropostle because it is CHEAP and I always start back to school shopping by buying a couple of things at Delia's (just to make sure she feels she can fit in). THEN I insist we buy the bulk of our clothing at JCPenney. She can see they have the same stuff as Delia's, it's cheaper, and I get a discount, so she can buy 2-3 times as much. And everybody wins.
Those are answers I can live with. And I'm glad your girl is older than mine, so you've already done the hard thinking on these issues. Please continue to ponder the difficult questions, then just give me the answers when it's my turn!
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